Oh Shit...
by Kadith
Rated NC-17

Disclaimer: I didn't get them drunk, I just wrote what happened.

She couldn't say it was red exactly, it was far too dark, but it wasn't
exactly purple either. Oh well, whatever the color she couldn't deny that it
taste good, or that it was making her feel quite good. In fact she was quite
sure she was already a bit tipsy. Kathryn Janeway giggled at the thought and
swirled the liquid in her glass, yes, quite tipsy indeed. Deciding it was
best to stop while she was ahead, she set her glass aside and paid the bar
keep, then standing, stumbled toward the door. Whoops, she thought, tipsy my
maiden aunt, I'm drunk! She giggled again as she stumbled out the door of
the bar and made her way back into the direction of the cottage she'd rented
while on shore leave. Voyager had stopped here three days ago for a week's
shore leave, and she had been coerced into spending at least half of it on
the planet. Tonight was to be her last night, and she'd stumbled onto the
bar by accident while out for a walk. She had to admit it was nice to be off
the ship for a while but she was feeling lonely. And not for the first time
she wished she'd brought someone with her, alright, in all honesty she
wished she'd had the courage to bring Chakotay with her.

Kathryn detoured on her way back to the cottage and entered the city's main
park. She had to admit this place was quite beautiful, and reminded her a
great deal of Betazed with its labyrinths constructed of towering shrubs and
flowering plants. She entered one of them and let herself be drawn into the
moonlit shrubbery, which cast shadows about her that threatened to entice
and seduce with their mystery. In the center of the labyrinth she happened
upon a small lagoon with a fountain in it's center. She was drawn toward
her, hypnotized by the play of light and colors flowing through the moonlit
waters. She wrapped her arms around herself and wondered what Chakotay would
do if he were there with her. She sighed again, likely nothing. The man had
not the courage to take what he wanted, nor to stand up for what was already
his. And until he did she would remain alone, because in all honesty she
could not trust her heart to a man unwilling to truly fight for it.

Chakotay too had been entertaining himself in the alien bar, but he'd been
hidden in the shadows, watching and loving her from afar. And when she'd
left, obviously intoxicated he'd followed her, ignoring the fact that he too
had been drinking far too much, especially for a man that rarely drank at
all. His eyes had never left her, not even in the shadows of the labyrinth
had he lost sight of his love. And now he stood gazing at her, and the way
the moon light played off her hair. It caught the natural highlights of her
auburn hair and enhanced them, sending shimmering hues of reds and browns
swimming across her face and shoulders. The moonlight seemed to embrace her,
drawing her into it's mystique and swirling around her in an air that could
only be Kathryn. Like the moon she was mysterious, open yet secretive,
visible yet hiding behind the guise of a much larger light.

He was drawn to her, whether it was the scenery or the alcohol he wasn't
sure, but tonight he was more drawn to her than he could remember ever being
before. The moon seemed to draw him in, swirling around both of them and
locking them in a mystic circle of light. He lifted his hands and rested
them against her shoulders, and turning her spoke softly, "Kathryn, what is
it that drives you into the night?"

Emotions swirled in her eyes, at first she was shocked to find him before
her, but it faded into a pleasant welcoming. "My mind seems to have rejected
all thoughts of being alone tonight," her lips turned up into a crooked
smile, "I thought you had already gone back to Voyager?" She closed her eyes
when he lifted a hand to her face, his fingers gently tracing along the
outlines of her cheeks, pushing her hair aside.

A smile graced his lips, pushing his dimples into sight, "I decided not to."
He couldn't explain it, it had to be the alcohol, but if he didn't touch her
now he knew that he would die. His eyes lifted to gaze at the lagoon behind
her, "Tell me Kathryn, how long has it been since you've been swimming in
the moonlight?"

"Far too long," rational thought was beyond her tonight as she began walking
backwards, her hands catching his and pulling him with her.

He reached for her and pulled her back to him, "Not yet," his eyes swept
down her, "you don't want to get your clothes all wet."

A brow was lifted, "Then what do you suggest Chakotay?" A seductive smile
spread across her face as she reached for the bottom of her blouse and drew
it over her head, revealing to him a thin laced bra. "That I remove them?"
The question sounded innocent, but was far from it. She tossed the blouse
over his shoulder to fall into a puddle on the ground. "Is this better?"

He clucked his tongue, "Not quite," his hands swept down her sides, catching
the edges of her trousers and peeling them down her body. He smiled when she
stepped out of her shoes, making it easier for him to pull the pants from
her body. Straightening he tossed them over his shoulder to join her blouse.

Kathryn held her arms out to her sides and made a slow turn in front of him,
"Is this better?" She stood before him wearing only thin, lacy underwear.
The moonlight danced across her skin, enhancing its creamy delicateness.
When she faced him again she lowered her hands to her hips, "But it's not
fair, you're still clothed." She reached out and began slowly unbuttoning
his shirt, finally pushing it aside when she was finished. When it fell to
the ground she smiled, "Almost better." Her eyes twinkled with mischief as
she took a step toward him and reached for the waist band of his pants, she
unfastened, sliding the zipper down at a torturously slow pace. Then she
gave them a gentle push and sent them pooling around his feet. When she was
finished she looked down, a perplexed frown knitting her brows, "Hmm, seems
we have a problem." She shrugged as she began backing into the warm water of
the lagoon, "When you figure out how to fix it," she reached behind her and
unfastened the bra, then tossed it to him, "do feel free to join me."
Kathryn winked at him as she turned dove into the water. It was quite deeper
than it appeared, reaching at least her shoulders some two yards from the
center.

Chakotay groaned and bent to quickly free himself of his boots and pants.
Then, when she wasn't looking he slipped his briefs from his body and waded
knee-deep into the lagoon. Then diving in he quickly caught up with her. He
slid his arms around her waist and drew her against his chest, his fingers
splaying across her bare stomach and moving upward by degrees. His lips
trailed hot kisses across her bare wet shoulder, then moved slowly up the
side of her neck. His hands cupped her breasts, meshing them into his palms
as he nipped at her jawline. She arched back into him, rubbing her lace clad
bottom against his aroused flesh.

She moaned when he tweaked her nipples, pulling them between his eager
fingers and gently pinching them. He never broke contact with her as he
walked her toward the fountain, pushing her beneath its shimmering spray.
The fall of the water proved to act as shield, encompassing them in their
own little world. Her turned her then, and moved her against the marble
surface of the fountain. His bent to capture her lips, groaning when she
parted them under his gentle probing and sucked his tongue into her mouth.
His hands made a quick sweeping motion down her body, catching the waistband
of her lace panties and pushing them down her thighs. He pushed them as far
as he could reach, then moved his hands to her waist and lifted her, pinning
her up with his body. Then, holding her with one arm he finished removing
the garment.

Kathryn braced her hands against his shoulders and bent her head to once
more capture his mouth, using her tongue to part his lips. When her legs
were free she wrapped them around him, grinding herself against his hardened
member. Chakotay slipped both hands to her hips and held her in place as he
drove into her, all thought of making love to her slowly completely gone.
Twin cries filled the air when he stood completely embedded within her.
Chakotay bent his head to capture one taut nipple and pull it into his
mouth, teasing and biting her flesh as he began thrusting with in her.

She braced herself against the fountain behind her and let her head fall
back, crying out with each deep thrust, and setting up a counter rhythm to
drive him deeper within her, water splashing around them as they moved
wildly. Chakotay gripped her hips in his hands, holding her in place as he
moved inside her. Then he stopped, causing her to moan as he slid out of
her. He let her slide down the front of his body, his hands moving to her
sides. He leaned forward and kissed her softly once, then turned her around.
He braced her against the fountain, and used his knee to part her legs. Then
with one arm wrapped around her waist, and one hand reaching up to lightly
cup her breast he entered her again. He buried his face in her neck as he
began moving, then slid the hand splayed across her stomach lower, not
stopping until his fingers tangled in her damp curls. Then finding her
sensitive spot he began stroking her, slowly at first, then with rising
intensity.

Her head fell back against his shoulder, her lips opening to let out a loud
keening cry at his torture. Soon, from the administrations from his fingers
and his constant deep thrusts she began to tighten around him. Her fingers
dug into his arms, drawing blood as her body bucked against him. His release
was triggered by her own, and he drove into her one last time, burying
himself in her heat as he spilled into her.

They sank into the water then, their legs giving way, and him slipping from
her. He held onto her though, and floated backwards with her lying atop him.
His lips moved lightly over her shoulder as he moved them towards the shore,
and their clothing.

They dressed slowly, hands still reaching out to caress and tease one
another. Then finally clothed he led her out of the labyrinth and back to
her cottage. Where on the front step he lightly kissed her forehead and
pushed her inside.

"You're not coming in?" She asked softly, a little confused at his retreat.

"I can't," he shook his head, "I have to be on the bridge in the morning,
but I'll see you on the ship as soon as you get back."

She moaned softly, "Damn the ship anyway," and leaned into him, still fueled
by intoxication. She tried pulling him into her cottage but he refused her
and slipped away.

"I need to sleep this off, be good Kathryn," He leaned forward and kissed
her one last time before disappearing into the shadows of the night.

She sighed, "But it's so much more fun to be bad." Then with a tender smile
she slipped into the cottage and closed the door. Finding her bed she slid
out of her clothing and climbed into it nude, her hands trailing over spots
that he had teased only moments before. She was lulled into sleep by the
gentle orgasm that flowed over her body, releasing her of any remaining
tensions.

*~*~*~*~*~*

Kathryn woke with a start, for one, her head was pounding and the room was
spinning. And second, she was naked. She looked around the room in growing
alarm, she didn't remember going to bed nude, in fact she didn't remember
going to bed at all. The last thing she recalled was entering the bar the
night before. Then it all seemed to fade to nothing. She reached for a robe
she'd draped across her bed the morning before and quickly pulled it on,
then went about inspecting every room in the cottage. Finally, finding
herself alone she slipped into the shower relieved. Obviously, she surmised,
she must have gone to bed nude for some reason.

After showering, and ignoring the splitting headache which was threatening
to knock her off her feet, she began packing her things in preparation for
returning to the ship. Actually, returning to the ship had turned into a
mistake, because for some reason transporting had seemed to make her
headache only worse. Therefore, upon returning to her quarters she'd
replicated the appropriate fix for her hangover, then unpacked her
belongings. She had hours before she was due on the bridge, Chakotay had
taken Alpha shift today, and she was due for Beta shift. Chakotay... now
there was a name that made her stop. For some reason she had the distinct
impression she was supposed to talk to him about something, but couldn't
remember what.

"Oh well," she said aloud, "if it's important he'll remind me, or it'll come
back to me." Shrugging she moved over to her replicator to get breakfast,
already settling into her normal routine.

Chakotay for his part greeted her with a smile and a data padd when she
finally arrived on the bridge, "How was your vacation Captain?"

She took the padd, and sitting down returned the smile, "It would have been
better," she lowered her voice so only he could hear, "if I hadn't gotten my
self drunk."

He groaned, he too had found himself with a hangover this morning, "Don't
remind me, I try never to drink when I have the early shift, but for some
reason last night I ignored my principles."

"You aren't the only one," she leaned back in her seat, a feeling of
foreboding coming over her, "and what really gets me is that I can't
remember a damned thing."

He laughed, "Well, I remember drinking, going for a walk, and then returning
to the ship, but that's about it. There are gaps mixed all in there."

She chuckled, "Well remind me not to drink anymore, I think I'll stick to
synthehol from now on." Then, her face turning serious she got back to work
and began questioning him about the ship's systems.

And so it went, the same regular routine they'd been involved in for years,
undisrupted for weeks. They worked, they laughed, and they enjoyed their
simple friendship. Until a bombshell was dropped in their laps.

"I'm what?" Kathryn stared at the hologram in front of her as though he'd
just sprouted a second head. "You've got to be joking, or your program is
malfunctioning, that's absolutely impossible Doctor."

The EMH sighed, perplexed, "I assure you Captain that it is entirely
possible, and entirely true. You are indeed pregnant, approximately 16 weeks
to be exact. And that would account for your recent illness, the dizziness,
exhaustion, the nausea. All of it symptoms of your pregnancy."

"But Doctor," she leaned forward, desperate to make him understand, "you
don't get it, I can't be pregnant because I haven't had sexual contact with
a man since we've been in the Delta Quadrant." She stood up and began
pacing, her mind already searching for alternate solutions, "Is it possible
this, thing, has been planted?"

He shrugged, "I do not see how, the embryo is completely human. If you'd
like I can run a DNA analysis and determine the paternity." Even as he spoke
he reached for his computer console and began the procedure, it of course
only took seconds. His brow knitted as he noted the results, "Captain are
you certain you've not had intercourse within the last 4 months?"

"Yes!" She moved over and jerked the terminal toward her, "Why what does it
s---oh shit." She immediately sank into a chair, "Oh no, no-no-no, this
isn't happening." She leaned forward, her elbows resting on his desk and
dropped her head into her hands. "How can I be carrying Chakotay's child,
and not remember getting that way." She stood to pace the office again,
"Surely if I'd had sex with him I'd remember it, you don't just forget
something like that. And it's not like I've got anyone else lurking around."
She sighed, "And I'm not the type to just get drunk and fall......" She
trailed off then, her eyes widening as all the missing images from her shore
leave months previously began to return. "Oh no... oh shit." She took a deep
breath, "I did have sex with him... and I was drunk... oh damn, damn, damn,
damn." She stood rock still for all of five seconds before turning and
fleeing from the Doctor's office, calling out behind her as she went, "You
say a word of this to anyone and I'll delete you!"

She let herself into his cabin and marched straight toward him, "You sneaky
son of a bitch!" She walked right to where he sat, completely shocked at her
entrance and slapped him. "How could you do this to me? How could you take
advantage of me like that and not even have the damned courtesy to tell me
about it afterwards. You just let me go on without any memory of it, hoping
I wouldn't find out. Well, you fucked up."

Chakotay stood up, "Kathryn, what the hell are you talking about?" He caught
her hand before she could slap him again and held it in mid-air. "I don't
know what it is that you think I've done but your sadly mistaken."

She jerked away from him, "Really? That's why you waited until I was so
damned drunk I didn't know what I was doing and had sex with me? Then you
snuck out before morning so you wouldn't get caught and just conveniently
forgot to tell me about it. Well you know what Chakotay, you're busted, in a
really big way." Tears stung and slid down her cheeks, "I can't believe
you'd do this, I trusted you." She moved away from him, her shoulders
beginning to shake, "What am I supposed to do? I'm pregnant Chakotay, just
what the hell am I supposed to do?"

He stared at her, unmoving, with his jaw hanging open. "What?" He finally
managed to ask, as he sank back onto his sofa. "What did you just say?"

"I'm pregnant Chakotay, almost four months, with your child." She ran her
hands over her face, "Why Chakotay? Why?"

He shook his head, "We didn't, we haven't... Kathryn I would have remembered
if we had." His eyes clouded over as he tried to find answers for her, "I
can't answer your questions Kathryn, because I don't have the answers."

She stared at him, "The last night of my shore leave Chakotay, the lagoon,
the fountain, think about it." She moved over and sank down next to him,
finally remember what he'd said the following morning about not remembering,
and being drunk. "Don't tell me neither of us remembered this..."

His eyes began to slowly clear, "Oh sweet spirits, I thought that was just a
dream." He lowered his face into his hands, "I never actually thought it was
real."

"It was," she whispered, "and so is this baby Chakotay." She took several
deep breaths to calm her nerves, "What are we going to do?"

"I don't know Kathryn," his voice was soft, barely audible, "I really don't
now. What do you want to do."

"I don't know," she stood up again and began pacing, "if I did, I wouldn't
be here now." She needed him to give her the answers, this was out of her
league, a hell of a long way out of her league. "What were we thinking?"

"We weren't," he sighed, "that's just it." He stood up and crossed the room
to her side, "And neither of us was objecting, then anyway."

"And now?" She'd never looked so vulnerable, nor had she ever felt it.

"Kathryn," he ran a hand through his hair, "I don't know what you expect me
to say."

She threw her hands up in the air, "What ever is on your mind," she sighed,
"forget about the fact that this throws protocol right out the damned
window, forget about the fact that we've danced around each other for six
years, and just do something!" If there had ever been a time she'd wanted
him to just take a stand, now was it. She'd waited six years for him to be a
man and stand up for what he wanted, and now she needed him to do it. If he
couldn't then she truly was destined to spend the rest of this journey
alone, and it seemed to raise this child alone as well.

Her eyes pleaded with him, begged him to do something. And in that instant
his resolve, his complete control snapped. He reached for her, dragging her
flush against him and crushed her mouth to his. And surprisingly enough her
arms wound themselves around his neck, holding on tightly as her body began
to shake. He felt her tears against his skin, then he tasted them as his
lips moved over her cheeks. "I made love to you on that planet Kathryn, in
the moonlight because I wanted to, because we both wanted to. And I can tell
you right now that if I'd remembered it before we wouldn't be having this
conversation now. You would have woken up in my arms this morning, and we'd
very likely be celebrating right now." He stared into her face, searching
her eyes and wondering why she'd yet to push him away, "I don't know what
you expect me to say to you, to tell you. But if you're waiting for me to
hold your hand while you get rid of this child you can forget it. I won't
tell you that you have to birth this child, but I'll never forgive you if
you don't. Nor will I sit back and allow you to raise this child without me.
If you choose to have this child know this, I will be in your life, I will
be in its life, and we will be forever connected." He held her face in his
palms, "I can't make your decisions for you, but if you want to know what I
think, what I want, I'll tell you. I want you to go to bed with me tonight,
and wake up with me tomorrow morning, and every morning that follows. I want
us to raise our child together, side by side for the rest of our lives. I
want you to stop hiding from me behind a guise of protocol and give in to
what I know it is you want." He traced the paths of her tears, his face
softening by degrees, "Alcohol erases barriers Kathryn, and allows us to do
what it is we've always wanted. That's what happened to us on that planet,
and I can't tell you why we chose to block it from our memories, unless it
was a sign of fear. Maybe we were both afraid of rejection, afraid that if
we remembered it would be too painful. I don't know, I don't care, it
happened and it's in the past. But we are here now, and whether you like it
or not we can't hide anymore, so be with me now, and stop running away from
your heart."

A choked sob left her throat as she melted against him, her head nodding in
her agreement. "That's all I've ever wanted Chakotay," tears fell in
rivulets down her cheeks, "I don't give a damn about protocol, all I have
ever wanted was for you to fight for me." Her shoulders shook with the force
of her emotions, "I needed you to prove that you really wanted me, that it
was more than just a passing infatuation, a need for something you couldn't
have."

He blinked, his shock apparent, "Then why did you slap me?"

She smiled through her tears, "Because I really thought that you'd known
about it all this time and hadn't told me. That you were willing to sit back
and let me slip away because you expected me to be angry, or that you really
had just been interested in what you couldn't have."

He shook his head, "I guess we didn't know each other the way we thought we
did." He pulled her back into his embrace, "Because if we had, you would
have known how much I love you. How much loving you hurts sometimes, how
hard it is to hide, that sometimes I want you so badly I have to leave your
presence before embarrassing myself." He sighed softly, "And if I hadn't
started keeping my distance from you I'd have seen the expectations in your
eyes." His chest shook with gentle laughter, "We're a pair aren't we?"

She reached up and wiped tears from her cheeks, then reached for his hand
and slid it down her front to rest against the distinctive swell of her
abdomen. "What are we going to do about this?"

A smile tugged at his lips, "Well you can either move in with me or I can
move in with you, because it really looks like we're going to have a child
Kathryn. And now that I know what you want, I'm not letting you go, I'll be
damned before that happens."

She reached out and cupped his cheek with her other hand, "Then I suggest my
quarters, they're bigger." Her face turned serious once more, "What about
the crew? What do we tell them?"

"We don't owe them explanations Kathryn, our personal life is just that,
ours. It's none of their business what we do, they'll figure it out on their
own. And if they don't, well that's their problem isn't it." His arm swept
around her waist, pulling her back against him, "And right now I really
don't care about the crew, they are the farthest thing from my mind."

"Oh Chakotay I love you," she breathed as she leaned forward, burying her
face in his neck and drinking in his scent. Her arms swept upward around his
neck, holding him close for several moments before she finally pulled back,
"Make love with me Chakotay, right now, I want us to wake up remembering it
this time. I want to remember the feel of you touching me, being inside
me... please."

He searched her eyes for any last signs of regret, and finding none leaned
forward to brush a kiss across her lips. Then, scooping her into his arms,
he carried her into his bedroom, and into their new life... together.

End...