The Promise
by Kadi
Rated NC17

Disclaimer: I have just five words to say to TPTB.... Screw you, bite me, die.

Author's Note: I'm not bitter, no not at all, I'm pissed... Also… very important note here. This story is dedicated entirely to JinnyR who listened to my ramblings and talked me through it. Without her help, the smut just wouldn't have worked! And neither would the rest of the story! JinnyLuv! You are definitely the best! And thanks to Cat for the title!!! J

And … most importantly…   HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHANCIE LOVE!!!!!!!!!

"... And with the ore we acquired last week, warp efficiency is going to be up well into the next few months. So there are really no worries about B'Elanna being out of commission for a few weeks..."

"Kathryn," Chakotay sighed and put the padd she'd handed him aside. "I didn't come here to chatter about ship's business with you."

"Oh, what then?" She moved across her cabin to stand in front of the view port, she already had a pretty good idea what he wanted from her.

He sighed again, "I'm getting married in less than 36 hours Kathryn, I had hoped that if I got you alone I could finally get your blessing. Your my best friend, it just won't feel right getting married without at least hearing you congratulate me."

She crossed her arms over her chest and bowed her head for a moment, then she angled a look at him from over her shoulder, "Then I guess it's just not going to feel right." All the hurt and betrayal she'd been feeling for the last week shined brightly in her eyes, "I will not congratulate you Chakotay, and I will not give you my congratulations. That is far from what I'm feeling." She turned back to face the window, "I will, however, perform the ceremony because its my duty to do so as your Captain. I will smile and wander around your reception because that's my job. I will not bless that union as your friend."

He stared at her, shocked, "Kathryn..."

"Do not, say my name like that again." She turned, angry now, "I could bury my feelings, and I could hide the loneliness, all that was fine as long as I wasn't the only one. I could forgive the bimbos and hide my hurt and longing in a hologram, but what I will never forgive is this. Not only are you taking to wife a member of our crew..." She broke off for a moment to try and regain some of her composure before she lost it completely, "Why go into it, we had that discussion didn't we. I couldn't become involved with a member of my crew, but that was alright because neither could you, and that was alright because you wanted--" She trailed off again, "I cannot forgive this betrayal, because not only are you going back on your word to me, not only are you taking to bride a member of my crew, but the one person who has been a protégé and... Oh come on let's say, like a daughter to me. Probably the closest thing I will ever have to one thanks to this damned ship." She took a step toward him, "You were going to always be there, waiting..." She closed her eyes and shook her head, "Time passes, people change, and you find out they aren't who you thought they were." She shrugged, "Get out of my cabin Chakotay, go back to your--" She sighed, "Just go." She didn't even wait for him to leave, simply turned and marched herself into her bedroom.

He stared after her for several moments, shock still registering on his face. Then slowly he began to turn and walk toward the door. It slid open before him and he stopped, the shock finally wearing off and anger settling in. He stood there for several seconds, fists clenching and unclenching, jaw tight. Then with an angry growl he turned back and stalked toward her bedroom.

Kathryn pulled the nightgown over her head, sighing softly as the material fell against her naked body. Tears threatened to fall, but she held them back, promising herself she wouldn't shed any, not one tear would slip past her control. But it was so hard to ignore the pain in her chest, the physical ache that threatened to consume her. Tears filled her eyes against her will as she wondered toward the view port in her bedroom. What would she do now, she wondered, her hope for the future had kept her going for so many years, had been her company on so many lonely nights. What could she possibly hope to do without that now?

She jumped, startled by the swishing open of her bedroom door, the sound intruding upon her ponderings. She turned toward the sound, her eyes widening at the sight of Chakotay standing just inside her bedroom, fists clenched, eyes staring daggers into her. She recovered quickly, arms crossing over her chest in a sudden surge of modesty, "I thought I asked you to leave."

He took a few steps toward her, stopping just short of her bed, leaving it as a barrier between them for the moment. "I don't know who the hell you think you are, but how dare you take my life choices and turn them into a string of petty betrayals. You might be the Captain of this ship, but my life does not revolve around you, nor do any of the other lives aboard this ship. I quit considering you in my decisions a while back. Seven years Kathryn, seven years I chased behind you like a love sick puppy, tail wagging, happily waiting for any crumbs or scraps you happened to throw my way." His voice rose by degrees with each statement and accusation, "I wore my heart on my sleeve and played the fool in front of this crew by sadly believing I might have a chance with you one day. You didn't want to have a relationship, didn't think we could have one, and that was fine with me, because in the beginning I still had hope that you would change your mind or realize how stupid you were being in applying regulations that didn't apply to us at all." He had long since past the point of being calm and was now shouting at her, arms swinging, fists dancing through the air as he made each heart wrenching point. "Then slowly, one by one my hope began to slip away, I finally made a decision to move on with my life with someone not only willing to take a chance on me, but someone who is willing to see past her own limitations and take a chance on happiness. And you, for all your proclamations of trust and friendship, dare to stand there and damn me for doing something with my life?" His chest heaved as fury radiated out of his body, filling the room. And by this point he didn't care if the decks above or below heard every word, "You can go straight to hell Kathryn, you've never shown me that you give a damn so what the hell do you care what I do with my life!"

"Because I love you!" She screamed it at him, her hand shooting up to cover her mouth even as the words slipped out. She stood there, body trembling, eyes shining, and lowered her hand. She sighed wearily, "Because I love you."

He stared at her for several moments, then his eyes began to darken dangerously, "I'm getting married in 36 hours," his voice had lowered considerably and was sounding oddly calm, but his eyes, it was his eyes that frightened her. "After years of waiting for you, you tell me… that… when I'm promised to someone else." His eyes narrowed, "Don't think for a moment I'm going to stand for it now, because I'm not," he turned on his heal and headed toward the door, his head intent on leaving while his heart waged a battle for him to stay. "I won't…." Her bedroom door slid open before him, "The hell I won't…" He turned again, crossing the room in three large strides. "The hell with it, and the hell with you." His arms slid around her waist, pulling her roughly against him as his body backed her up hard against the bulkhead, trapping her there. His mouth descended, lips and teeth taking control as his tongue thrust forward. He punished and tasted in the same instant, while his hands swept none too gently up her body, exploring her through the thin fabric of her nightgown.

Her hands pressed against his shoulders, intent on pushing him away, but when his palms pressed against her breasts her fingers curled inward, biting into his flesh, holding onto him. He pinched her nipples, almost painfully, then shoved a knee between her legs and pressed it against her center. She arched and began to grind against it as his hands moved upward to clutch the material of her gown where it flowed to a V at the top of her breasts. He jerked just once and tore it cleanly down the middle, baring her to his hunger. He shifted her to the side, away from the bulkhead and shoved her against the viewport, bending her backward as he bent forward, his lips going around one soft mound of flesh. He tugged the taut nipple with his teeth, pulling it into his mouth to suckle none to gently. Her hands buried in his hair, clutching at it as he assaulted her.

Then without warning his hands swept down her body, moving behind her knees where he lifted her against him. It took two strides to reach the bed and he tossed her on to it, she sat upright in protest but he pushed her back down.  "Not this time, Kathryn," his voice was dangerously low, and oddly calm as he tossed the remains of her nightgown onto the floor.  He pressed her arms into the bed above her head with one hand while he tugged his trousers out of the way with the other. His eyes were dangerously dark as he lowered himself over her. They were the only thing to give away the rage that warred within him.

It frightened, and thrilled in the same instant. She bucked against him when he knelt between her legs, his free hand pushing her wide and holding her that way as he positioned himself. But when his fingers traveled up her thigh to brush against her, she trembled against him, the heat and moisture at her center overcoming the protest still shining brightly in her eyes.  He leaned forward and captured her breast, biting and suckling as she arched beneath him. His lips traveled up her neck, until he hovered over her mouth. Their eyes held and met, her eyes flashed defiance, yet she arched against him. He didn't move; simply stared at her.  She couldn't take her eyes from his and then slowly she moved.  Her hips came up to meet his and ground slowly, her legs drawing around his waist. Her eyes started to close but never left his gaze.  She bit her lip and arched again in an invitation to him.

His lips curved upward into a triumphant smile, "Good girl…."

The arrogance in his voice drew her out of the aroused haze she had been slipping into. Her eyes once again lit up in defiance, "Fuck you."

He leaned down and ran his tongue along her lips, "I fully intend to fuck you." Her eyes widened in surprise and then his mouth was on hers. In the same instant she felt him thrust two fingers deep inside her. Her reaction was immediate and beyond her control, her body arched violently to accommodate those fingers and a helpless surrendering moan in the form of his name slipped past her lips. He took it to his advantage and thrust his tongue into her mouth, tasting and ravishing her at the same time, sending her senses into overload. He owned her, and in that moment they both knew it.

He chose that moment to prove it, his fingers fell away from her and he thrust into her, driving forward with enough force to almost send them flying over the other side of the bed. He let go of her hands and gripped her hips in both hands to hold her still as he pounded into her. Her nails dug into his shoulders as she arched her back off the bed, lifting herself to give him deeper access. She cried out with each hard thrust, his name a constant plea on her lips as he moved over her. His hands fell away from her hips and moved out over her body. He slid one up to cup her breast, squeezing it almost painfully while the other slid between their moving bodies to tease her sensitive flesh. His fingers slid easily within her folds to immediately locate the taut nub hidden within. He stroked her into her first orgasm, his teeth sinking into his lower lip as he held onto his control while she contracted around him. His eyes were centered on her face, watching as each wave rolled over her.

Kathryn's hands grasped at the bedding as her body exploded into waves of white-hot pleasure. As the first climax began to fade she felt the second one building. She bucked against his hand and body, grinding against him, meeting each thrust with one of her own. Her nails sank into his backside as she pulled him against her in an effort to drive him harder into her.

When she stiffened and began to contract around him a second time he stopped moving and pulled out of her. She growled in frustration, then grunted as he reached for her, flipping her over onto her stomach. He drew her up onto her knees, gripped her hips in both hands and thrust forward again, driving into her wet heat from behind. She groaned, her hands gripped the top of the headboard to keep him from driving her into it.

Chakotay bent over her, his lips and tongue leaving a moist trail down her spine as he began to move within her. His hands held her firmly in place as he pushed repeatedly into her body. She cried out with each hard thrust, her body already beginning its upward spiral again. The heat and the ache spreading outward from her lower body until her toes began to curl. Her knuckles grew white where she clutched the headboard, her nails dug into the metallic furniture almost breaking as he pounded into her. Then he slowed momentarily and drew her up against him, her back to his chest. His hands cupped her bobbing breasts, fingers pinching her. His lips moved along her neck, teeth occasionally sinking into her flesh as he began to thrust again.

As she began to grind against him, his hand slid once more between her legs to tease her swollen, wet flesh. His fingers once again pinched and caressed, flickering and rubbing against her until she let her head fall back against his shoulder. The ache built in the pit of her stomach, the heat rising until she began to contract around him. His teeth sank into her shoulder, his hand molded against her breast as she began to explode around him. Her lips parted and she began to gasp for air as the heat and ache spiraled through her, then at once it crashed over her, she screamed with the force of it and bucked wildly against his teasing fingers and intruding member. Chakotay buried his face in her neck, the walls of her body tightly milking him until his own release crashed over him, spilling into her. They fell forward onto the bed, chests heaving, arms and legs tangled in a mass of sweaty flesh.

Kathryn shifted onto her side as the reality of what had happened began to fully register in her head. She pulled a pillow toward her and clutched it to her chest as the bed shifted behind her. Chakotay had rolled onto his back and was now staring at the ceiling, there was at least 3 inches between them now and neither of them was making a move toward each other. But nor were they moving away from each other either. Finally after several moments of uncomfortable silence she sighed, "I don't want you to marry Seven. But I can't ask you not to... to not be happy."

He took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "I probably shouldn't have expected you to jump for joy at the idea."

"Yes, but I never had any claims on you. I should have expected you to move on, I should have been prepared for it. I wasn't." Her eyes were glued to the pattern her fingers were tracing on the pillow. "I guess it was too much for me to ask for you to wait indefinitely."

He sighed again, "I said I would, so I don't think your expectations were too unfounded. Had it been me, I probably would have felt the same. Seeing you move on with someone else, whether I were married to Seven or anyone else, I probably wouldn't have been able to accept it. But I realized that I'm not getting any younger, and not that having a family with Seven was my life's dream, but at least with her I was closer than I was before."

She shivered and clutched the pillow tighter, "Actually, I have a confession to make. I wasn't exactly honest about the reason I was angry about the engagement. I suppose I was jealous, possibly a little hurt. With all that had been happening in recent months, Tom and B'Elanna's baby, the incident with the Quarren, I suppose I had finally realized I couldn't go on isolating myself, that I needed you more than I had wanted to admit. And just when I was ready to admit it, to find out if you were still interested, you had moved on."

They lay in silence for several moments, her confession hanging in the air between them. Finally it was Chakotay who spoke, "You should have come to me."

"Yes," she picked at the pillowcase, "you're probably right."

"Well, there is a first time for everything." They both smiled in spite of the situation. There was another pause, "I'm not going to marry Seven."

She dropped the pillow, "Chakotay you can't do that just because--"

"Kathryn," he shifted onto his side, "the moment I touched you we both knew I wouldn't be able to marry her. I don't know where this will go, if anywhere. I don't know how you'll respond to me tomorrow or the day after that. But I can't marry her knowing that there still might be something out there for the two of us." He picked at the sheet beneath them, "I cared enough about her to consider it yes, but I'm not in love with her, I never was. I was just open to the possibility. The fact that I was able to forget her so completely just a moment ago is evidence of that."

She thought about rolling over to face him, "What other possibilities are you open to?"

He scooted toward her and slipped both arms around her waist. He pulled her against him and rested his chin on her shoulder, his face turned inward to the curve of her neck; he brushed a gentle kiss across her skin, just below her ear. "Why don't we find out?"

She shivered again, this time from the feel of him pressed against her and snuggled back against him, "I can't promise you a family, but I can promise to love you."

He pulled her onto her back and leaned over her, staring into her eyes, "Kathryn, that’s all I've ever wanted from you. What comes of that love…" He brushed a series of light kisses across her lips, "That's a bridge we'll have to cross when we get to it."

She slipped her arms around his neck and pulled him down, their lips meeting in a slow, tender kiss. Her lips parted for him, and when their tongues met this time it was in exploration. They took their time, tasting each other, nibbling their way across each other's faces and necks. Chakotay rolled her beneath him and slipped his hands into her hair to frame her face. His mouth moved over her face in feather light kisses, and then he pulled away to look at her. When her eyes opened and she stared up at him, he smiled, "I love you."

She blinked away the tears that threatened to cloud her vision and drew him down for another kiss, this one full of promise for the future.

The End